Tomorrow I go to Los Angeles to begin my trip back to NY for David’s memorials. If you don’t know the details, here they are. Please RSVP.

Sunday, February 11 from 2 – 4 PM

United Nations International School:

24-50 FDR Drive, New York, NY 10010

Monday, February 12 from 6 – 8 PM

Edmund Burke School:

4101 Connecticut Ave NW, Washington, DC 20008

short program & reception

Please RSVP by February 9 | In Memory of David Shapiro

I’m more nervous than I thought I would be. I feel like I am still taking care of David and want the events to be real celebrations. I am hearing from so many people about how much David shaped their lives. He certainly did mine. I’m not really nervous about the events. Let’s face it, they will be full of people who loved David, so it is bound to be a celebration. I’m hoping the travel gods are shining on us. I think David had a song about begging the sun to behave.

El Sol by David Shapiro. One day Alex or I will sing it for you.

So, the title of this post is a lyric from On The Twentieth Century because, after two days in LA, we get on a train to take the three night trip to New York. David and I took the train when we came to CA in 2011. I’m looking forward to the trip. We have a bedroom, which I think is larger than the room David and I had.

I’m going to sign off now. Packing, etc. I’ll try to write on the trip, if anything interesting happens.

Not sure why that last post was “unpublished” or maybe I never published it. It was from the spring.

Happy New Year from Paris!

We had a great visit to Biarritz and Pays Basques. Even made it to San Sebastián. Thanks to my hosts, I don’t think I missed a spot and did some shopping as well.

David Shapiro — February 19, 1947 – November 23, 2023

First, just to get it out of the way, if there are people who don’t know — David Shapiro passed away suddenly on Thanksgiving night. We had just returned from two wonderful weeks in Paris with Alex, Claire, Theo, and Vincent. On the Friday night before we flew home, David complained about back pain. He had had compression fractures in the past, so I wasn’t really worried. We spoke to doctors via video, and they prescribed a back brace and some pain management.

Fortunately our flights on United were flawless. We were home and I made an appointment with our doctor on Wednesday. The Doctor sent us to get x-rays of his back to confirm what was going on. While getting David from his wheelchair to the car, in the parking lot of the radiology clinic, he passed out and I lowered him to the ground. Fortunately, we were across the street from a firehouse. He was in an ambulance very quickly. I followed and we were in the ER for the remainder of the day and night. David was finally admitted to the hospital overnight. Even after the Doctor told me his back pain was kidney failure it never entered my mind that David wouldn’t be home in a few days.

He had a rough day and they were having trouble getting blood and hoping he would be able to get well enough for dialysis. Late in the day, I left him to take a nap and grab a bite to eat. I got a call at around 11pm from the hospital that there was an emergency and I should get there as soon as possible. By the time I arrived, he was gone.

I am now back in Paris with Alex, Claire and the boys.

It’s been a while since we got back from our trip, and I never wrote about our time in Singapore, but before I do that, I have to share the grief we both feel at the loss of our constant companion, Maggie (Princess Margaret). For any of you who knew her, she was fiercely protective of me and David, but mostly David. She used to sleep on the floor outside our bedroom so she could keep an eye on David while he did his needlepoint and keep track of me in the living room and kitchen. I can’t get used to it being so quiet.

In October, she was having some bowel issues, and took her to the vet. After some tests, we found out that she had a mass on her liver. A large mass (3/4 of her liver), so we knew that her days were numbered. She was pretty good until a few months ago. She was doing unusual things like sleeping in the closet, taking rugs and mushing them up, and one night, a few weeks ago, she slept in bed with me (which she never does). On Tuesday, it became clear that the time had come, and she left us.

Well, that was a draft that I started in the spring, but I thought I should post it.

We are now off the coast of Vietnam in the South China Sea heading to Koh Samui, Thailand. Our last day in Vietnam, we visited a mall. Pretty much like any mall in any city around the world. Gap. Calvin Klein. Aldo. L’Occitane. But interesting to see the divide. A world away from what we saw the previous two days. Great people watching. There was a moment we passed a couple with their toddler in a stroller. The toddler looked at David as if to say, “look at us not having to walk, aren’t we special!” We both get a kick out of some kids reactions to the wheelchair – curious, amazed, jealous.

We bought a few things (I forgot to pack some items for me and tee shirts for David) and wandered a bit. It was nice walking on a smooth flat surface for a while. No curbs or seams in the walkway. Kind of a boring end to an exciting visit, but needed.

Like a ring around the city, there are what seems like thousands of tall apartment buildings on the outskirts where all the riders of the ever present motorbikes live. And many of them hang out in the mall. The air conditioned mall. It’s HOT.

I really liked Vietnam. The people were friendly and helpful. We followed the advice of other Americans and didn’t go to the War Remnant Museum or the tunnels used during the wars (French and American). They (rightly) refer to it as the American War. The tunnels would have been impossible for David and really impossible for me. Just seeing the photos of people stooping to make their way through made my heart palpitate! Even my Republican mother knew that the war with Vietnam was a huge mistake, so I didn’t need to see or hear about the remnants. I’m just glad that the people don’t seem to be holding a grudge.

Extra points for anyone who knows where the title for this post comes from. Hint: I saw Raquel Welch in it on Broadway.

And another hundred people just hopped on to their scooters (apologies to Stephen Sondheim). What a young, wild and vibrant city Ho Chi Minh is! We spent our second day in HCMC yesterday. Our first day was a tour of the city and dinner. We visited a Chinese market and temple, drove by the infamous American Embassy, Independence Palace, Notre Dame Cathedral, visited a Lacquerware workshop and store, and finally had a great dinner overlooking the city. A good overview that prepared us for the next day.

Part of the tour was a ride on a Cyclo (pedal cab), but there was no way for David to get onto one of the vehicles, so we stayed on the bus and met the group at the end. From the ragged faces of the other guests, I think we made the right decision. We ended up waiting a bit for the final cab to arrive. Apparently, the driver got lost, and I can understand how!

Yesterday, we had a Saigon Street Eats tour with Vu. I had arranged the tour before we left California, and we were both looking forward to an insiders view of Saigon, and that is what we got. First, we had to get from the ship to the meeting place, and that was not as easy as it should have been. I tried using the Vietnamese version of Uber (grab), but we found out on our return that there was restricted access to the port, so we had to take a shuttle to a mall outside downtown and then find a cab. I contacted Vu to let him know that we might be a little late. When we got to the mall, we shared a cab with another couple from the ship, and arrived at the meeting spot just in time, and the rest of the evening was perfect.

Our first stop was in District 3 for Banh Xeo (a kind of lettuce wrap). They were great, but it became pretty clear that we were going to have too much food! Then around the corner to grab a Banh Mi sandwich. Then on to seafood – mussels, prawns and clams – at the gangster’s place. David was in heaven. We had seen from the bus, people sitting on short stools at little tables, and now we were there. I wish I had taken a picture of him, but we even got the chance to see the proprietor (the gangster). Covered in tattoos with what looked like two gold bars around his wrists and another hanging around his neck.

Our last stop was for free range chicken with noodles and broth. The restaurant that we visited was part food service and part parking garage for motorbikes. There is a huge business in storing and guarding motorbikes. You will often see people pull their vehicles right into shops. That did make it a little easier for us to get around in the wheelchair.

The food was great, but the best part was hearing Vu talk about life in Vietnam and Saigon. His father was with the south Vietnamese army, and suffered under the reunified government. He talked about Bill Clinton’s visit and the opening to the west in the 90’s. Now, there is a blend of communism and capitalism. The post war regime tried to restrict buying and selling, except through the government, which, particularly in Asia, seems unnatural to me. There is a strong tradition of trading in Southeast Asia that long predates the Silk Road and colonialism. It’s human nature and impossible to stem.

Our last stop with Vu was at the walking street and an ATM to get some cash. The best way to describe what I saw was Times Square on steroids and a mile long. I felt ancient next to the throngs of young Vietnamese enjoying life. I was worried about getting back to the ship, so Vu explained to the driver what our destination was. The best way to describe where the ship was docked is, if HCMC was NYC, we had to go to Elizabeth, NJ. I am still shocked by the cost of the cab, and in a good way. It was about $20 US, and the driver was a bit overwhelmed when I gave him a $5 tip.

You might think that the adventure ended there, but when we arrived at the port, they wouldn’t let the cab drive us up the the ship, so we got out and started the long trek to the ship. After walking about 50 yards, someone started shouting at us, and we walked back to see what was going on. There was an ambulance next to the gate, and he wanted to load us in and drive us to the ship. We declined the offer, because the last thing David or I wanted to do is get out of the chair, climb into a vehicle and then have to climb out again. We had done that enough. Better to just walk the three or four football fields. He had the back door open, and I hope he didn’t want to put David or me on the gurney!

We are now sailing into Ho Chi Minh City and we are both excited and a bit apprehensive. Our last port, Semarang, Indonesia was beautiful chaos. It’s nice to see that there are still places that haven’t been sanitized. Not one Starbucks or Mickey D’s in sight.

That isn’t to say that it made it easier. Particularly with a wheelchair. There were a few moments on the tour that I thought we would have to turn around, but determination and some help from our friends kept us going. We both knew that during this trip it would be more challenging to navigate the onshore excursions, and Semarang lived up to our expectations. This city isn’t a big cruise port, and most to the tours went outside the city to the hills and temples of Java.

The old town felt a bit like stepping back in time. The remnants of Dutch colonialism still prominent, but almost completely absorbed by Javanese life. One of the great parts of the cruise are the lectures during our days at sea. We are learning a lot about the geography (volcanos), nature, history, culture, and modern life of the places we visit. I like to think that my world view is pretty broad, but with SE Asian history, I haven’t even scratched the surface.

After old town, we went to visit Kampung Pelangi or Rainbow Village. Once a slum, the community took some paint, and turned the village hung on the slope of a hill into a kaleidoscope and an instant tourist destination. I wish we had been able to wander the warren of alleys, but the wheelchair and the hill proved impossible. We saw what we could, and our group was on it’s way. The last stop we skipped and stayed on the bus. It was getting late and we were both beat.

Our return to the ship took longer than expected.

We made it! I didn’t do the calculation, and am in no shape to attempt it now, but we were traveling for over 30 hours. Just the fact that we took off from Vancouver at 1:35AM on the 18th of March and landed some 12 hours later at 6:00AM on the 19th makes my head spin. Can I count the hours in the lost day? Here we are again in arithmetic! Anyhow, we made it.

It was a long trip, but I have to thank EVA Air for great flights. I don’t think that I have experienced care like that before. What a difference a day makes.

We arrived in Bali on schedule and ran through the gauntlet of security, immigration, customs and taxi service hawkers. I was grateful to have someone helping get through the maze, I’m not sure if I would have made it on my own. Once we were out of the airport, the sounds, the wall of heat and the faint smell of incense burning made me nostalgic for my year in Malaysia. A little like homecoming.

We hit a hiccup when we got out of the airport. There were what seemed like thousands of people lined up with names of people they were picking up and delivering to their hotels. Couldn’t see our names or a Viking rep, so I got on the phone. After a while on hold, I wanted to let our guide from the airport off the hook, so we headed back in, and I took another look at the sea of signs. Found a Viking rep who was there to pick up other passengers, not us. After a few minutes, he left his colleague to find the other folks, and took us to a waiting van. I was a bit annoyed because I had spent quite a while on the phone with Viking giving all the new details of our flights. They had no record. I will also add that the tickets for our excursion in Bali and the confirmation of a massage for David that we had missed were waiting in our room. Not to mention the charge. I really don’t like to complain, and am grateful that we are here, safe and in one piece, but I want to have a nice long conversation with someone from customer service at Viking. Something is rotten in Oslo.

I was glad to see the sun rise.

Yesterday, for Mothers’ Day, I baked a cake. There was no mother available, so David and I had to eat it. It looked beautiful, if I do say so myself. The cake itself, however, was dry. I have got to figure out what went wrong. It didn’t rise the way it should have either. The mirror glaze worked OK, and the salted caramel cream was delicious!

No, you aren’t losing your mind. Yesterday wasn’t Mothers’ Day. I never posted the above, so I will just pick up here. Hard to follow a lovely cake with the SCOTUS shit show. What, with tRump’s brown shirts shooting up grocery stores and elementary schools, this should just seem normal, right? When did the repugnicans become such a bunch of Gladys Kravitz’s? They keep talking about this cabal that Hilary runs, but it seems to be more projection. Maybe MTG and Gaetz are the gatekeepers? They are evil in the flesh. Lying, cheating A-holes. They need to crawl home and start fixing their own rotting houses. I hope that this is all the last gasp of a dying movement. Hopefully the death rattle won’t be too violent.

During the pandemic, I did a bit of genealogy, which was enlightening. The big takeaway was, I am very white. Most of my ancestors came over in the early 1600’s. No pilgrims, but three years later, they arrived in New Hampshire. Like many immigrants, they were fleeing religious restrictions. My Dad was an atheist, and his independent, curious and progressive vibe was always a wonder to me. I don’t think he taught me this, but we both believed that religion is the root of all evil. It is too easily perverted. My mother hedged her bets and gave money to the church, but rarely went. She would just say that is really just one tenet to follow – treat people the way you want to be treated. They both were conservatives who understood that religion has absolutely no place in the government. It is one of the main reasons many people came to America. Freedom to worship. The court today, took a step to bring religion into the government, and that is exactly what they want. They don’t understand freedom, liberty and what this country is about.

We have to stop whining and start changing things. My one hope is that in November we will drive a stake through the heart of the monster and sanity will be restored. Not to mention avoiding fascism.

Today I was floating in the pool, staring up in the sky, and there they were. Two hawks making lazy circles in the sky. No, really. It was like they were training for the Olympics. Synchronized flying. As I floated there in the pool, I thought, that’s kind of like us. David and I are just making lazy circles. We don’t really have a schedule to keep, except David has singing on Mondays, and reading on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Well, maybe some kind of a schedule but enough time to make some lazy circles.

It’s been a while since I have written here. I’ve been writing, but not here. Something I have been working on. More on that another time. A lot has happened and nothing has happened all at the same time. I am sure that you all understand that. We canceled our trip to Europe, but are still heading to New York next week. Would love to see people. We are very excited about staying at the High Line Hotel – down the street from our old W 20th Street apartment. I loved that apartment. I’ve loved almost every place we have lived. Now the house here seems to fit us like a glove.

Some pictures of the house, now that all the work is done. This is all the new front yard. The gigantic popsicle was David’s present for the holidays. A California artist, John Cerney, who paints these large, roadside signs had a grouping of popsicles here in Palm Springs. David loved them, so I contacted him and he agreed to create and install one for us. We love it. You can get more information about the artist here – John Cerney Murals

Thanks for reading. I want to put this to bed and then put my head on the pillow.

Yes, I know. It’s been a while. Things are quiet here in Palm Springs with David and me. Saturday, David had his second Pfizer vaccine. Hopefully it will not be too long for me. The second dose process was much faster and easier than the first. The first one was in Beaumont, CA and took over three hours. Over a mile in line in the car, but the process inside was quick. The second dose was at Eisenhower Medical Center, which might give you and idea of the folks in Palm Desert. We took Frank Sinatra Dr to Bob Hope on our way and Bob Hope, past Gerald Ford and on to Dinah Shore on our way home. As you can imagine, it was very different. Valet parking, about two nurses and five volunteers to every person getting a vaccine. I am hoping that when it is my turn, it is the same process.

Yesterday David was a little more tired. More than just the usual Sunday morning. Today he is better. Still tired, but not as much. We also had a hoot this morning watching some old videos that I had digitized. I had boxes of old 8mm film and VHS tapes. There is a lot of stuff that was fun to watch. Vermont. DC. Friends who we don’t get to see enough of.

I read to David every day at around 4pm. When we were in Livermore Susan and Bill would each take two days a week. He misses that. Sometimes my voice misses that, but mostly it is fun to read. We read Caste by Isabel Wilkerson and it should be part of the High School curriculum. Then we read Dreams of El Dorado: A History of the American West. Also great. Then we started the latest Obama book, but it got too deep into details for David to follow. Concepts are often hard for him to get due to the stroke.

So We moved on to Genius by Patrick Dennis. Yes, of Auntie Mame fame. What a scream! He is so, I was going to say wicked, but really just honest. Nobody is spared, and sadly for anyone who knows me, I see bits of myself in some of his worst characters. Particularly Alastair St Regis, who is everything that you can imagine. All that layered on a schmuck from New Jersey. So much fun to read aloud.

It’s July! Where does the time go? David is back in speech and physical therapy, which is great. For the next few weeks we are going once a week. We finished the Churchill book and restarted Leadership by Doris Kearns Goodwin. We are enjoying it. Very timely, if you know what I mean. It focuses on Lincoln, the Roosevelts and Johnson.

This post began over a week ago and I just haven’t been inspired to write until there was some good news. Unfortunately, little of it is coming from outside the walls of our little paradise. The pool is back. That is the best news. I could have used it last weekend when it was 118! I’m just glad it is back. David is planning on trying the new stairs tomorrow or Sunday, depending on temperature.

Everyone is under pressure, and the cracks are beginning to show. You can file the following story in “puny problems of the privileged” Last Sunday I was at Ralph’s to pick up some groceries. I don’t know what possessed me, but I went, in spite of it being Sunday and visitors. I figured maybe because it was a little later in the afternoon, they would be gone or going soon. Certainly not at Ralph’s. They weren’t. All the local crazies had the same thought as I did. I dodged the bad cart drivers, avoided the ice cream aisle and headed to check out. Checked out. Almost out the door without incident.

So, one of the retail requirements here in Palm Springs is to designate one door for entrance and one for exit. So, I am heading to the exit, which is the other side of the storefront from where I was parked. Remember, it was 118. As I am approaching the exit, a young woman. Cell phone in one hand, looking around like she has just landed from another planet, asking “Where are the carts? Why aren’t there any carts?’ I wanted to say, “They are over there, at the entrance”, but knew that whatever I said would come our really snarky. As I turn to go out the door a woman stood in the exit, looked at the sign and said, “It’s too hot, I’m coming in the exit”. I said “I don’t care, but if you move, I can leave and you can come in”. There was only a touch of attitude. It felt good. We were all wearing masks.

I started writing this about ten days ago. I don’t feel fizzy and funny and fine, and don’t know if I could find a lyric that would work. I do feel pretty. I got my hair cut. I feel so much better. I mention this mostly to illustrate how mundane and ineffective I feel.

I don’t know if I mentioned this already (the memory is the first thing to go, and next comes laziness and not looking to see if I might have mentioned it), but forgive me if I have. In the afternoons I have been reading “The Splendid and The Vile” by Eric Larson. It is about Churchill during the Battle of Britain. I am enjoying reading it aloud and hearing the voices of the people who witnessed history. It strikes me how life continued almost normally while the world was falling apart. So, here we are.

Anyway, stay safe and sane and let’s not give up or give in. We will vote in November, and it may not be magic, but we have to hold out hope.

Well, it has been a while! I started this post, who knows? Maybe 2 days ago or maybe 2 weeks ago. I have no idea. Anyway, we are both fine. Really, better than fine. Despite being cooped up in our home for quite a while now, we are great. Stuck in a house you love, with the man you love, with the dog you love, and the pool that you are obsessed with, is a beautiful thing. I thought this song summed up how I am feeling. I hope David feels the same. I’ll get into the pool more later.

It has been very hot. Hotter than normal. Today it was around 105, and since we aren’t supposed to go out, we stay in the cool. Every day I wake up and think that we are so lucky.

Now, to the pool. From the beginning of our confinement, I have been spending a lot of time in the pool. A little swimming, for exercise, but more splashing, floating, and, yes, dancing. Usually sometime in the afternoon, I just get in the pool and put music on and choreograph interpretive dances. I have, officially lost my mind. If you know my taste in music, it can be quite interesting, swinging from the expected Bette and Barbara to Annie Lennox, then back to Linda Ronstadt (usually the Nelson Riddle stuff, but sometimes other stuff). As I was doing my best Esther Williams to the Midler/Manilow version of I Love Being Here with You. Sorry, now it is really official. Mind. Gone. Goodnight.

Hoping to get this blog post off before I begin cooking for Passover. Things are going well here in Palm Springs. The weather had been really great, then it started raining yesterday. Stopped now, for a bit, and the sun is out, but not for long, judging by the clouds surrounding our piece of blue sky.

Last night was the full moon and snapped a photo from the back yard. I am constantly being reminded, when I am in a very self pitying mood, David and I are so lucky. Even with the stroke, we have fun and carry on. I flare up once in a while, but that will usually fizzle quickly. Projects are what keep me sane. I can’t wait for the movers to come with all my “stuff”. I have no idea where we are going to put all the “stuff”.

Anyway, missed posting this before Seder. Today’s project was to make a Seder. Sort of. I mean, I have never done it. I think it came together nicely, but was an all day exercise. Started with the brisket, then on to the kugel, followed by the haroset and finished (started) with matzo ball soup. I’m pooped!

Yesterday, we added accessories to the Broadway Charades with David Shapiro. See what you think. Amazing what can be done with an old dish towel and a wire hanger (apologies to Joan Crawford). Everyone should be able to guess the musical here.

I wanted to get something out on the blog before too much time goes along. Inspired by the game of charades, we are watching lots of movies on TCM. Citizen Kane is recorded and patiently waiting for us to review. Maggie is enjoying the larger yard and our long walks along the wash each morning. Anyway, here is a picture of Maggie in her element and two more Broadway Charades with David Shapiro. Oh, and the last two were – West Side Story and A Chorus Line.

I know this is parody, but, thanks Marjorie for sharing. It made my evening. Here is a fictional letter from F. Scott Fitzgerald as it might have been written in 1920. David and I decided that he is F. Scott and I am Zelda. The big difference is our menu of alcohol is different from theirs. Vodka and Champagne are staples in our home.

So, this came from one of our conversations. Not sure what David was trying to tell me, but I wasn’t getting it. Now, remember, I had no idea he was trying to tell me the name of a musical, so I was at a disadvantage. Now, to fill our days, or maybe a few minutes of our days, we will be sending out Broadway Charades with David Shapiro. Here are the first two. Not prizes for getting them right, just our love and admiration, and my amazement. You can give the answers in the comments.

More tomorrow!

Gosh, so much going on, right?! Well, in our little lives, we left Livermore, signed the contract to sell our house, stayed overnight in Paso Robles (lovely, but eerie because of the virus). I was going to go on, but changed that comma to a period. What the hell??!! Because of the virus? Are we in a Stephen King novel?

Anyway, we decided at the last minute to skip Santa Barbara. It seemed like time not to have social contact with anyone. We drove straight through to Palm Springs. When I called to cancel our reservation, the guy I spoke to (Marcus) was very nice. First, he seemed surprised that I called to cancel. I thought that was odd. Do people not cancel their hotel reservations? It finally dawned on me that he didn’t know my name, so I said, “don’t you need my name to cancel the reservation?” He didn’t. We were their only reservation.

We arrived in Palm Springs at about 5:30 PM. Many of you know that we were staying at our generous neighbor until we could get into the house in mid April. Donovan was working furiously to get everything ready a day before our planned arrival. I did let him know we were coming early and asked if it was OK. It was great. After getting a good night’s sleep, we had a very relaxing day. It was raining. In the evening, the folks who were renting the house stopped by to let us know that they were packing up the car and heading back to Canada in the morning. Terrible that their vacation was cut short, but great for us.

I spent today moving everything over from next door and unpacking the five boxes that I had shipped before we left. Now we are ready! Ready to sit here and what? Catch up on TV. This may test my sanity. David and I only had a few “moments” during this transition. You know, those moment when you feel like you are at each other’s throats. To be fair, mostly it was me at David’s throat. Sorry. Not really.

So, things are sunny in Palm Springs, but I will leave off now, because if I don’t I may continue stress eating between sentences. And, wash your hands, we all know by now how to do it!

There is a picture. I have been scanning photos that my Father had saved and after he died, my brother sent a box filled with memories. Some of them were not mine, but they were memories all the same. (Is that a line from Gilbert & Sullivan?) There is this one photo that is very blurry, and there is a figure running in something with red stripes and there is a wig. I remember that moment pretty vividly. The striped nightshirt and that nasty old wig. But, you know memories, they are sometimes tricky, and what you remember has been cleaned up somehow. Or maybe your part in the day was less important than you remember.

I was directing a play. That time honored story of the young girl with a red cape and hood, her Grandmother, and a wolf. You may not be surprised that I was playing the Grandmother as well as directing. You may also not be surprised that I don’t remember who played the other characters. I was six or seven. It was in the backyard of our old house across the street from where we were I grew up.

I think this is all brought on by wandering around an almost empty house. Still have some important things to do before we leave. I am up late tonight because the drive down with David, Maggie, and all the stuff we need to carry is making my mind race. How will I fit it all in the car! I thought writing might help. Let’s see. Good-night.